I Need You
by Ronnie
Summary: How does one face the aftermath of a war? ( Slash. DM/HP )


The wind blew against the figure of the young man sitting on the lake's bank. It flipped his raven hair and blew it away from his face, a face that were twisted in an expression of pure pain and sorrow. His legs were drawn to his chest, his arms wrapped around them and his head resting onto his knees. Wide brilliant green eyes watched the endless night, staring straight ahead and seeing nothing. The black fabric of his flowing robes swirled in the wind and created a whirl around him. His woollen cloak protected him from the wind, its furr lining warming his skin. There was something about that young man that would make the person watching him nervous. A certain edge to him, a certain look in his eyes that made you feel like he saw through you. Into your heart and soul. Some said the eyes did it. His eyes, jade colored and intese, sat in his face like a pair of diamonds in an expensive jewel. They contrasted with his marble white skin and his raven black hair and created an interesting complextion. Some said the mouth did it. His mouth, always set in a thin firm line, curling around his words with ease, seemingly feminine but also holding some sort of strength. Some said the arms, hands, did it. His arms, defined and rippled with muscles, radiated with strength. His once lanky and thin figure was now defined into a manly, strong figure that just said confident. And some… some said the scar did it.  
  
That jagged, light bolt shaped scar embroiding his forehead, a mark of his defeat of the dark Lord. He was only a baby when it happened but that scar told him apart from the rest of the wizarding community. He was a hero. Back then, and now. And he hated it. He hated it. It was his hero statue that got his friends killed… if it weren't for his damn destiny, his redhead frim would have still been alive. Not dead and burried in a cematery, admist others who also died in the war. HIS war. Hagrid, Dumbeldore… Remus. It was still a shock to know that old Professor Lupin was gone. It was a shock to know that Ron… Ron was gone. His friend, his freckled faced, red haired friend was truly gone. He missed him. His lame jokes, his sarcastic remarks, hell, he even missed his bickering with Hermione.  
  
He flinched at the name.  
  
Poor Hermione. She was never the same after Ron died. She held up a strong front and never let anyone know what she was feeling inside but he saw that she died along with him. Her body survived but her inside, her soul… it died when Ron died of his wounds. He wished his friend would have had a quick death and not a painful, long one. And when he killed the Dark Lord at last, only one thing was on his mind. Evenging Ron's death. He felt responsible for Ron's death like he felt responsible for the others' deaths. He couldn't face Hermione after it happened, tell her that she lost her husband… they married before Ron and him set out… she wanted that. She also wanted to come but knew that she couldn't… her bulging stomach was the reason. Ron wouldn't hear of it, risking his baby. And now… he would never see his baby, his son. Ronald James Weasley Jr was born two months after his father's death. The black haired man was appointed as his godfather.  
  
The black of the night matched the man's hair and the feeling in his heart, in his stomach. He felt guilty for so many deaths, so many lives that were cut short. Families, loves and friendships broken. So many tears that were shed and they were all his fault. His damn fault. His damn destiny, his damn fate. Why him? Why then?  
  
His smirked and then smiled with no humor. Those two question. He had been asking them ever since he got back home. Why him? Why did he survive when so many died? Why was he born with the destiny of defeating the world's greatest enemy? Why?  
  
Why then? When everything was good… when everything fell into place? When Ron and Hermione finally started their family, when Remus finally mustered up the courge to ask Xena to marry him, when he was so happy? Why then, when things started going back to normal for him?  
  
A rustle behind him made him jump to his feet and whirl around, whipping his wand out of his robes in one fluid motion. His eyes narrowed as he struggled to see in the dark. And then, his green gaze landed upon a blonde head and he relaxed. He exhaled loudly and turned back to look at the lake, falling down to the ground. The fair haired man behind him slowly came to stand next to where he sat, black boots crunching the fallen leaves as he stepped onto them. The black haired man didn't need to look up to know that the man's grey eyes twinkled in the dark, that his beautiful face were fixed in a worried expression and that he was holding his wand in his left hand, clutching it between his fingers. He said nothing. With a sigh, the blonde sat down on the ground next to him, drawing his knees to his chest as the man had done before, rubbing his palms over the his legs. His teeth chattered sofly. He wasn't used to this weather. The black haired man shrugged out of his cloak and draped it over the other man's shoulders without a word, and then turned back to stare at the black lake. The blonde rolled his eyes.  
  
" Are you trying to freeze yourself to death? " he drawled, taking off the cloak and returning it to its owner's shoulders and then pushing his hands in between his knees, trying to keep them warm. Green eyes stared at him as the black haired man adjusted the cloack on his shoulders, straightening it into place. He ran a hand through his ebony colored hair and adjusted his round glasses on his nose. He seemed uneffected by the the cold weather around him. His skin was white as ever, his eyes green as ever, the cold expression on his face was probably colder than the air around him. The blonde sighed. " Are you going to talk to me now? " he questioned. A dark eyebrow rose. Grey eyes rolled towards heaven and a silent prayer was said. " I guess not… " he mumbled. He heaved a deep sigh.  
  
" I'm not in the mood for talking. " his voice surprised the blonde and he bit back an alarmed yelp, jumping slightly. The black haired man turned to him and gave him a humerless smile. It scared the blonde man for it was twisted and dark. Even his smile is dark, he mused.  
  
" You never are. But we have to. You can't keep doing this, Harry. " the name lingered on his tounge. The black haired man flinched. " You're going to kill yourself. Is that what you want? To die? " there was an edge of anger and frustration in the blonde's voice as he looked at the man sitting next to him, grey eyes flashing dangerously. His blonde hair fell into his eyes in thin wisps and he angrily pushed them away with the tip of his fingers, tucking them safely behind his ear. " It won't help you if you die. It won't help me if you die, damn you! And Hermione, who needs you, and Ron Jr who loves you, and Sirius who you know loves you more than life itself, and Ginny and Fred and George and heck… the whole goddamn Weasley klan! And… and… " me.  
  
" What about me, Malfoy? What about what I need? What I want? " sorrow filled Harry's voice as threw his hands into the air with frustration. There was also need and wonder in his voice. And fear, noted the blonde. So much fear. " I know they all need me… I know… just… I feel guilty, seeing their faces. It's my fault, Draco! It's my fault Hermione lost her husband, it's my fault I lost my best friend in the whole world, it's my fault Ron Jr won't know his father, it's my fault Dumbeldore died and it's my fault Remus died! If it weren't for me – "  
  
" We all would have been dead long ago so shut up! " Harry stared at him, surprised and opened his mouth to say something but Draco held up a hand. " I watched you sulk for the last six months and I am not letting it go on one more day, Potter. Now you listen to me. It wasn't your fault that Ron died. It wasn't. Ron knew exactly what he was doing when he went out to battle that day. He knew the risks, the danger and the chances of dying and he still chose to go out there. He CHOSE to. I didn't see you forcing him, Harry. You urged him not to go, if I remember correctly. But he went because he chose to. He chose to stand along with the other people fighting for the Light and chase away the people who wanted to take away our freedom. Ron believed in that and so did Remus and Dumbeldore and everyone else who died for it. You're blaming yourself for their deaths. Why? Because you were born? Because of your name? That scar? It's who you are Harry. That scar, your destiny, your fate, everything. They're what make you, you. No one wants you any other way. You blame yourself for Ron's death and you fear facing Hermione because of that. " once again, Harry opened his mouth to protest, to talk, but Draco silenced him with a look, " Don't try to deny it, Harry James Potter. I've seen you around here. You watch everything you say, everything you do. Hermione needs you. She doesn't blame you. She never did! It's just that in your mind, it's your responsibility to take care of everyone, make sure they live or whatever. Everyone but you. "  
  
" I take care of myself. " he sounded more like a pouting child than the man who saved the free world. He turned his head sideways and wasn't surprised to see the older man pouting. He shook his head and rolled his head.  
  
" Oh yeah? So why have you been sitting out here in the cold for like four hours? And why haven't you been sleeping? And why haven't you been eating right? Huh? Is that you taking care of yourself? " sarcasem laced the blonde's voice as he raised one light eyebrow at the man next to him.  
  
" I have a cloak, I have nightmares, I'm not hungry. "  
  
" Want to talk about it? " Harry turned his head towards Draco and shrugged his shoulders, then turning his head away once again, narrowing his eyes behind his round glasses. " I'm willing to listen… " whispered Draco, pleading creeping into his tone. Harry was silent for a moment.  
  
" I knew something was going to go wrong that day… I just knew. I had this feeling at the pit of my stomach and I just knew. You know that feeling? It tells you not to get out of bed, sleep that day away but you know you have to get out, so you ignore it? That's what I did. I ignored it. I ignored it and I got out of bed and I went to work… we were going out that day… do you remember it? " Draco nodded slowly and sadly, not daring to say a word. " I remember it like it was yesterday. Everything's so clear. I can still hear them screaming, you know. Hear them screaming and smell their blood and see them dying and I can still feel the helpless feeling I felt when I walked among them. I wanted to help, Malfoy. I wanted to help but I could do nothing. Nothing. I stood there among the wounded and hurt and I could do nothing. They called out me. Help us, they called. I ignored them. I could hear them and I could see them but I ignored them. I kept on walking. I wanted to find him. HIM. He did all that and I had to find him and kill him. In a way, I was numb, but not really. I understood. I saw, I heard, I smelled. I thought. And my mind… it was just… it was weird, Draco. I couldn't think of anything else but killing him. I could feel him dying. I saw him dying, before my eyes, in my mind, and I wanted it. I wanted him to die. I wanted him to suffer. Really suffer. When it came to that, I wanted him to feel everything I felt. The pain. Inside me. Here. " he pounded at his chest and Draco winced. Harry seemed oblivous. His eyes were glazed over and he was staring straight ahead, not really seeing anything. Draco was worried. " And I was out to find him. So I ignored them and I kept on going. But then… then I found Ron.  
  
He was lying in a pool of his own blood. God, the expression on his face was so… defeated. Unlike everything that was Ron. His eyes were wide open and he stared at me when I walked up to him. I don't think he recognized me at first. But then… then my face registered and he smiled. He smiled, Draco. It must have been so painful just to move those tiny muscles in his face but he SMILED at me. And I just broke. I forgot about Voldemort, I forgot about the people dying around me and all I could see was Ron. MY Ron. My best friend, my brother, God damn it. I loved him. I loved him like he was truly my brother and God it hurt to see him lying there, dying. I knew he was dying. He knew, too. ' You take care of her, ' he said. And I didn't have to ask who he meant. He loved her so much. SO much. She was his life. And his life were slipping. He looked at me and I saw it in his eyes. He knew it was the end. His end. And I couldn't stand looking at him and knowing that I was losing my best friend. I couldn't. But I did. I sat down beside him and I held his hand. I tried being strong for him. Lord knows I tried but I just couldn't… I couldn't. I broke down and I cried. I was supposed to be strong for him, Draco… help him in his last moment, make him feel better, but I was crying while my best friend was slowly slipping away. I should have been the strong one, not the weak one. But he comforted me. Comforted me! It should have been the other way around. And then… he died. One second he was talking to me and then, the next one, it was all quiet. Christ, he just went quiet… his eyes were closed and he looked like he was sleeping. If I hadn't known better… it was like he was sleeping… that's all. " a sob wracked through he body and he balled up, drawing his legs as closest to him as humanly possible. His eyes closed and for a moment, Draco could see the little boy in the cupboard under the stairs that Harry talked about as another boy, someone he knew long ago. A boy lost and forgotten, a boy without love who was left by all the people that mattered to him. A boy who missed his best friend like a child misses his mother, like a child misses a taken toy that was his whole world. Draco inched closer and put a comforting hand on the black hair man's back, trying to consolte him as much as he could. His heart ached when he watched the crying man, wanting more than anything to hold him in his arms. Oh Harry. It was the first time Harry cried ever since he came back from the battle. He didn't cry when Ron's body was put in a grave. He didn't cry when they buried Dumbeldore, and Lupin, and Dean Thomas, and Cho Chang, and Lavender Brown, and… so many people. So many people. Never once did he cry. But now… now the tears were endless. They seemed to come and and come and come… never ending. About five minutes later, he sniffled slightly and looked up at Draco, green eyes red rimmed and blood shot. He looked… pained.  
  
" I miss him Draco. I miss him so bad. All of them. I miss Remus, and I miss Albus, " he smirked slightly. It was weird calling their old headmaster by his first name. It was also weird thinking of him in past tense. " and I miss Dean, and Lav, and Cho and Arabella and… Christ.. I miss them all. Every person who died in that god damn war. And I hate him. I hate Voldemort. I hate him with all my heart and soul. He caused so much sorrow, so much pain and for what? For what, Draco? Power? Fame? What?! He wanted to rule the world… and for that he killed people… so many people, Draco. So many. My parents, and Sirius' parents, and… " he closed his eyes and took two deep breaths. Draco watched him closely, ready to jump to his rescue when needed. Harry looked so valnurable, sitting there with his legs tucked to him, tears sliding down his cheeks.  
  
" Harry I… I can't say anything that will make you feel better about Ron, or miss him less. I can't say anything that will make you feel better about any of the other people you lost and loved and I can't say anything to make you miss THEM less. But I can tell you that it is not your fault. It isn't. When Ron died… all he wanted was you to be there for him. Not be there FOR him, even. Just be there. You sat with him and you were there for him. He loved you, I'm sure. You needed him then and I am sure that made him really really happy. You needed him and he needed you and you helped each other. And Harry… you couldn't help all those people. You couldn't help them because you didn't have the power to. I know you wanted to help them but you couldn't. You simply couldn't. You're not a superhero, Harry. You're human. Just like anybody else. And you need to realize that. You can't blame yourself. It's not healthy. You know what they say? ' In war, you mourn the dead, but take care of the living. ' and that's what you have to do. Take care of the living. Hermione needs you right now, Harry. She has a baby boy she has to take care of and a job to maintain to support both her and Ron Jr. She needs you and so do… I mean… well… " so do I, damn you. Harry raised one dark eyebrow and looked at Draco, green eyes still sparkling with unshed tears. Draco just shook his head and sighed. It was just too hard.  
  
" Who, Draco? " Harry's tone was so soft that it blended with the whispering wind that still blew all around them. Draco's grey gaze refused to meet Harry's green one and his eyes were on the ground. His eyelids fluttered to a close and he swallowed the lump his throat. His eyes were getting misty. Dust. It was dust. He wasn't crying. Suddenly a soft hand touched his cheek. His head snapped upwards and he found himself staring into a pair of green orbs. His breaths and pulse quickened. Harry's slender fingers stroked his cheek softly, tracing lines in it, up and down, up and down. Never once did the green eyed boy drop his gaze. And then, he started moving closer and closer and then… their lips touched.  
  
The world exploded around Draco.  
  
Everything disappeared and nothing was there except for him and Harry. Nothing mattered. Nothing was real. The wind stopped, the air wamred and the night brightened. The trees around them were faded and he could practically see through them. His mind was swimming, his heart fluttering like mad and he couldn't seem to hold onto a thought. Everything was… beautiful.  
  
And then, it stopped. And everything returned to normal. And the man in front of him, was beautiful.  
  
He looked into the green pair of eyes in front of him, the pain and lonliness inside them gone, and allowed a tiny smile to creep onto his lips.  
  
" Me. I need you. " 


End file.
